Thursday, September 29, 2005
Funny, funny.
'Twas The (Politically Correct)
Night Before Christmas:
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to
distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All
follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should
be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu . Happy Holidays!
Night Before Christmas:
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to
distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All
follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should
be made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu . Happy Holidays!
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Why I don't hack, how I found out that a roast chicken and a severed human head are about the same size and weight and other things.
As school approached people kept pestering me about what I'm going to do for a living. I find this massly annoying. TBQelites brother even had the nerve to say that even though he didn't know what he wanted to do he probably had a better idea then me! Anyway that was irksome. And awhile ago Neemund got all pompous on me too, saying he's known what he's going to do for a long time and implied that I was crazy not to. What I should have said to the bottom-dweller, recently belittled my acquaintance...sorry couldn't help it. I wanted to say for heavens sake I should hope that a 21-year-old about to graduate knows what their going to do for the rest of their life, but I do not think that that is strictly necessary for a 16-year-old junior even if they are "going to college" this year. Kris was getting on me too. Oh, and have I mentioned that kris wants to be a personal shopper? *shakes head*
I never said I had no idea of what I want to do with my life did I? No I didn't. My Dad is a contest freak. When he's out of work he goes contest crazy. He will sit around the house listening to the radio so that he can (hopefully) call in to win some prize. He also enters lots of online contests. So, when we were at Dairy Queen the other day we were unable to ignore the cups telling us to enter the codes on their sides online to see if we won. Dad wasn't there physically but we were all hearing his voice telling us we had to enter those codes or we would never hear the end of it. So mom wrote them down so we didn't have to tote the empty cups around (we are able to ignore the voice of dad telling us to get refills fortunately). So I said that since the codes had a pattern we (we meaning me)could try random codes with the same patterns to see if we could win stuff. Mom laughed and said I should be a hacker. Now one of my goals in life is to become fabulously wealth and enjoy the job I do to get that way. And I want no excuse for the government to take that money away. So I don't think that I will peruse a job as a hacker. Mom also said that I should get a job like my uncle, working for the government. Now I have considered it. I like to think that I have the sort of talents that would make me good at such a job. Lord knows I like stuff like that. And it pays well. Maybe I will. I probably won't do the same thing as my uncle. Not that I have a good idea of what he does. That could be a problem...
Did you know that you can only put twenty things on hold at a time? That is somewhat annoying but I would go hold crazy without it so I'm glad it's there. I found this out while I put the second and third Darwin awards on hold, a book on all the things that cadavers are used for(and while I've only read the first two chapters it is already turning out to be very cool indeed), a bunch of Foxtrot, the complete far side chronicles, and a ridiculous amount of Monty Python videos, really I doubt that I'll get around to them all.
It is insanely easier to type on the school computers then on the one at home. Why is that?
I never said I had no idea of what I want to do with my life did I? No I didn't. My Dad is a contest freak. When he's out of work he goes contest crazy. He will sit around the house listening to the radio so that he can (hopefully) call in to win some prize. He also enters lots of online contests. So, when we were at Dairy Queen the other day we were unable to ignore the cups telling us to enter the codes on their sides online to see if we won. Dad wasn't there physically but we were all hearing his voice telling us we had to enter those codes or we would never hear the end of it. So mom wrote them down so we didn't have to tote the empty cups around (we are able to ignore the voice of dad telling us to get refills fortunately). So I said that since the codes had a pattern we (we meaning me)could try random codes with the same patterns to see if we could win stuff. Mom laughed and said I should be a hacker. Now one of my goals in life is to become fabulously wealth and enjoy the job I do to get that way. And I want no excuse for the government to take that money away. So I don't think that I will peruse a job as a hacker. Mom also said that I should get a job like my uncle, working for the government. Now I have considered it. I like to think that I have the sort of talents that would make me good at such a job. Lord knows I like stuff like that. And it pays well. Maybe I will. I probably won't do the same thing as my uncle. Not that I have a good idea of what he does. That could be a problem...
Did you know that you can only put twenty things on hold at a time? That is somewhat annoying but I would go hold crazy without it so I'm glad it's there. I found this out while I put the second and third Darwin awards on hold, a book on all the things that cadavers are used for(and while I've only read the first two chapters it is already turning out to be very cool indeed), a bunch of Foxtrot, the complete far side chronicles, and a ridiculous amount of Monty Python videos, really I doubt that I'll get around to them all.
It is insanely easier to type on the school computers then on the one at home. Why is that?
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
About classes
I have decided that I like American gov and politics but don't like ceramics. I'm going to guess that I'll like astronomy. But I haven't taken it yet. I don't have the sort of patience for ceramics you need. Plus it's kinda boring. I'm going to drop it if I can. You need too many things anyway.
Later: Yeah I'm dropping ceramics. I have various reasons some of them actually good ones. I don't like it. The clay I worked with kept drying out but the instructor said not to put to much water on it. The instructor had two things that he said would be optional. I got one of them and was going to get the other thing sometime soonish. Turns out that not only is that thing really kind of mandatory but he wants us to get lots of other stuff that would mostly so annoying to find. This is not the reason I don't like the class but the instructor acts kind of gay. Ceramics is at an annoying time though and that does affect why I don't like it. I have about ten minutes in between ceramics and AGP. The teacher for that starts on time, and because it's at the time I normally eat lunch that is more that inconvenient. I was lucky that the teacher for AGP let out more then an hour before the time that it was suppose to. I would have been starving otherwise. I like my AGP teacher even if he if a liberal. He's funny, he's not too strict, and he has an amusing accent. I know that at times I won't like it, but I can survive it.
I think that I'll get a job on campus instead of taking a different class. My mom said that the staff at the book store are none too bright and that I could easily get a job. I believe in using my brain. What use would I have of a brain if not to use it and use it often? It increases my shots at survival and success so I can't go wrong using it right? I haven't so far so I think I'll stick to that theory.
It really annoys me when people can't follow what I would think of as pretty basic instructions. For example: someone (your mom maybe) is telling you how to do the laundry. She tells you all those things that are important like separate the clothes by color, reds, colors, darks, whites, ect. Now amusing that there is some reason for you to do this, like your being paid, and do it right I would hope that it would be impossible to fail doing something so simple. Things rarely work out that simply. Loads of people are unexplainably unable to follow straight-forward instructions. There was at least two examples of such stupidity in ceramics today (oops its yesterday now). That is one of the main reasons why I would not like being in a managerial position. I would have to hold the hands of loads of incompetent people. That and while bossing around competent people is fun, bossing around incompetent people is a no fun at all. Because I'm teachable, and competent I should never have a problem getting a mediocre job. I reject such jobs though because of there lousy pay. I'm very serious when I say that I will not work for under $10 an hour. Anything less is not worth me wasting my time and intelligence on.
I may devote a short post on why my astronomy teacher is so cool but I'll do that some other time. I'm going to bed now.
Oh yes, and I'll do that one thing that rabenstrange tagged me for.
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love yah, tomorrow, it's only a day away.
It makes me cringe at how cheery that is. I think I'll avoid quoting musicals in the future.
Later: Yeah I'm dropping ceramics. I have various reasons some of them actually good ones. I don't like it. The clay I worked with kept drying out but the instructor said not to put to much water on it. The instructor had two things that he said would be optional. I got one of them and was going to get the other thing sometime soonish. Turns out that not only is that thing really kind of mandatory but he wants us to get lots of other stuff that would mostly so annoying to find. This is not the reason I don't like the class but the instructor acts kind of gay. Ceramics is at an annoying time though and that does affect why I don't like it. I have about ten minutes in between ceramics and AGP. The teacher for that starts on time, and because it's at the time I normally eat lunch that is more that inconvenient. I was lucky that the teacher for AGP let out more then an hour before the time that it was suppose to. I would have been starving otherwise. I like my AGP teacher even if he if a liberal. He's funny, he's not too strict, and he has an amusing accent. I know that at times I won't like it, but I can survive it.
I think that I'll get a job on campus instead of taking a different class. My mom said that the staff at the book store are none too bright and that I could easily get a job. I believe in using my brain. What use would I have of a brain if not to use it and use it often? It increases my shots at survival and success so I can't go wrong using it right? I haven't so far so I think I'll stick to that theory.
It really annoys me when people can't follow what I would think of as pretty basic instructions. For example: someone (your mom maybe) is telling you how to do the laundry. She tells you all those things that are important like separate the clothes by color, reds, colors, darks, whites, ect. Now amusing that there is some reason for you to do this, like your being paid, and do it right I would hope that it would be impossible to fail doing something so simple. Things rarely work out that simply. Loads of people are unexplainably unable to follow straight-forward instructions. There was at least two examples of such stupidity in ceramics today (oops its yesterday now). That is one of the main reasons why I would not like being in a managerial position. I would have to hold the hands of loads of incompetent people. That and while bossing around competent people is fun, bossing around incompetent people is a no fun at all. Because I'm teachable, and competent I should never have a problem getting a mediocre job. I reject such jobs though because of there lousy pay. I'm very serious when I say that I will not work for under $10 an hour. Anything less is not worth me wasting my time and intelligence on.
I may devote a short post on why my astronomy teacher is so cool but I'll do that some other time. I'm going to bed now.
Oh yes, and I'll do that one thing that rabenstrange tagged me for.
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love yah, tomorrow, it's only a day away.
It makes me cringe at how cheery that is. I think I'll avoid quoting musicals in the future.
Friday, September 02, 2005
What have you been doing lately?
A decent sort of song, but I'll get to the point now.
I have not been doing much of late. So I don't have to many interesting things to say concerning my life. I like to hope that that is not really a problem since while I may not have the most interesting of lives I do have a interesting sort of brain. But that may not be strictly true, I'm not the one who gets to decide.
Anyway. Kris's birthday was (last)Friday so her friends came and stayed the night. We went to the Old spaghetti factory for dinner and the Old curiosity shop after. I got these fake parking tickets that I'll have to show you guys some time. They're quit funny. We all played Mafia when we went home. Which I have decided we(the quiz team)should play sometime. We had movies to watch but they wanted to play Mafia so we ended up playing till 12:30. I probably shouldn't have stayed up that long because I had stayed up reading till 6:00 AM the night before. I hadn't done that for a long time and was glad that I still had it in me.
Mom got me a jumpdrive for school. 256MB, $19.99, and it's red. Pretty good no? By the way are flashdrives, pendrives, and jumpdrives all the same thing? It seems like it.
Dads birthday was Tuesday. Mom made a mint chocolate chip cheesecake and macaroni and cheese for dinner. Chloe doesn't like moms mac and cheese which is insanity because my mom makes good mac and cheese. She like easy mac and Kraft mac and cheese. Yuck.
I have to finish up this stupid health packet soon(note: this used to say today, I've been putting it off). Ooooo, great fun!
I'm somewhat looking forward to getting back to school. It's really boring just sticking around the house. Well it wouldn't be so boring if my siblings weren't around. Then they couldn't hog the computer, or the TV, or bother me. That is why I'm very happy that I don't go to school till about two weeks after them. Whoot, whoot! I fact this would be a shame not to take advantage of.... How about we have a quiz party at my house one Friday before us collage people go back to school. Since (most of)the rest of the quiz team is homeschooled it shouldn't be a problem. We could watch Band of Brothers like rabenstrange has said he wants to do( and tbqelite too). If another day works better I'm sure that can be done. I just need to talk to my mom and see when would be a good time. Kristen being off to school would be wonderful, that's the main reason I didn't want you people coming over before.
Now, have you ever met one of those types of people who are into weird new age stuff? I'm sure you have. One of the peoples I used to hang out with at my "old school" was one of those types of people. I was often left with a 'what the heck' look on my face at some of the stuff she did. She would meditate in the halls. I told her once I though it was stupid. That was great fun! But anyway, I don't get the point of meditating. I mean...come on!? I asked her only what the point of it was and she said something like to calm/focus/center you, or some weird thing like that. One: I'm most always calm. I don't get the point of not being calm. I rarely find anything worth the sort of emotional out put she displayed on a minute to minute basis. She would get worked up about the smallest things. Once, us three girls who would hang out were going outside and there were a bunch of crows on the tables. You would have thought that the grim reaper just showed up and said 'your next'! Then she claimed that the wind was blowing in all four directions. What a load of BS! I find these sort of people intolerable. Oh yeah, did I tell you she was wearing a lord of the rings type of cape thing? *nods knowingly* Yes. No I'm not joking in the least. And they were not crows(according to her) they were ravens, and ravens are a sign of bad omen. Personally, I think getting worked up like that all the time is a waste of time and energy. If I'm going to waste time and energy it's going to be on video games or such like. Hey, at least you won't get stomach ulcers! Two: Focus what? It was the middle of the hall during lunch! What is there to cause you to not "focused" what do you need to "focus" on anyway and why would sitting cross-legged, closing your eyes and doing that weird thing with your hands help? Three: What is centering yourself?!?!?! I mean clue me in here, I don't get it! It really didn't help me like her that she was bossy. I wouldn't be surprised if she end up going to India to 'find herself'.
Great news! I'm now The official weird older sibling! I think I have been from the beginning but I hadn't yet heard of any of Kris's friends say " your older sister is weird". Well maybe I had but just didn't remember. Apparently, Hannah Kristens friend said I'm weird and kris and her simply couldn't explain how to one of hannah's friends. They did agree that I'm not like this one person they know that says he's gay and he's a Goth and he kills feeder mice for fun.......... Yeah, that's only slightly disturbing.
*whimpers* Mommy wouldn't let me get this keychain thing that said "Yes I'm paying attention. Can't you see me yawning?"
If I manage to hold on to some good idea long enough I'll post something else soon but for now that's it. Feel free to suggest and topics or ask any questions. I just may answer if I get bored enough! :}
I have not been doing much of late. So I don't have to many interesting things to say concerning my life. I like to hope that that is not really a problem since while I may not have the most interesting of lives I do have a interesting sort of brain. But that may not be strictly true, I'm not the one who gets to decide.
Anyway. Kris's birthday was (last)Friday so her friends came and stayed the night. We went to the Old spaghetti factory for dinner and the Old curiosity shop after. I got these fake parking tickets that I'll have to show you guys some time. They're quit funny. We all played Mafia when we went home. Which I have decided we(the quiz team)should play sometime. We had movies to watch but they wanted to play Mafia so we ended up playing till 12:30. I probably shouldn't have stayed up that long because I had stayed up reading till 6:00 AM the night before. I hadn't done that for a long time and was glad that I still had it in me.
Mom got me a jumpdrive for school. 256MB, $19.99, and it's red. Pretty good no? By the way are flashdrives, pendrives, and jumpdrives all the same thing? It seems like it.
Dads birthday was Tuesday. Mom made a mint chocolate chip cheesecake and macaroni and cheese for dinner. Chloe doesn't like moms mac and cheese which is insanity because my mom makes good mac and cheese. She like easy mac and Kraft mac and cheese. Yuck.
I have to finish up this stupid health packet soon(note: this used to say today, I've been putting it off). Ooooo, great fun!
I'm somewhat looking forward to getting back to school. It's really boring just sticking around the house. Well it wouldn't be so boring if my siblings weren't around. Then they couldn't hog the computer, or the TV, or bother me. That is why I'm very happy that I don't go to school till about two weeks after them. Whoot, whoot! I fact this would be a shame not to take advantage of.... How about we have a quiz party at my house one Friday before us collage people go back to school. Since (most of)the rest of the quiz team is homeschooled it shouldn't be a problem. We could watch Band of Brothers like rabenstrange has said he wants to do( and tbqelite too). If another day works better I'm sure that can be done. I just need to talk to my mom and see when would be a good time. Kristen being off to school would be wonderful, that's the main reason I didn't want you people coming over before.
Now, have you ever met one of those types of people who are into weird new age stuff? I'm sure you have. One of the peoples I used to hang out with at my "old school" was one of those types of people. I was often left with a 'what the heck' look on my face at some of the stuff she did. She would meditate in the halls. I told her once I though it was stupid. That was great fun! But anyway, I don't get the point of meditating. I mean...come on!? I asked her only what the point of it was and she said something like to calm/focus/center you, or some weird thing like that. One: I'm most always calm. I don't get the point of not being calm. I rarely find anything worth the sort of emotional out put she displayed on a minute to minute basis. She would get worked up about the smallest things. Once, us three girls who would hang out were going outside and there were a bunch of crows on the tables. You would have thought that the grim reaper just showed up and said 'your next'! Then she claimed that the wind was blowing in all four directions. What a load of BS! I find these sort of people intolerable. Oh yeah, did I tell you she was wearing a lord of the rings type of cape thing? *nods knowingly* Yes. No I'm not joking in the least. And they were not crows(according to her) they were ravens, and ravens are a sign of bad omen. Personally, I think getting worked up like that all the time is a waste of time and energy. If I'm going to waste time and energy it's going to be on video games or such like. Hey, at least you won't get stomach ulcers! Two: Focus what? It was the middle of the hall during lunch! What is there to cause you to not "focused" what do you need to "focus" on anyway and why would sitting cross-legged, closing your eyes and doing that weird thing with your hands help? Three: What is centering yourself?!?!?! I mean clue me in here, I don't get it! It really didn't help me like her that she was bossy. I wouldn't be surprised if she end up going to India to 'find herself'.
Great news! I'm now The official weird older sibling! I think I have been from the beginning but I hadn't yet heard of any of Kris's friends say " your older sister is weird". Well maybe I had but just didn't remember. Apparently, Hannah Kristens friend said I'm weird and kris and her simply couldn't explain how to one of hannah's friends. They did agree that I'm not like this one person they know that says he's gay and he's a Goth and he kills feeder mice for fun.......... Yeah, that's only slightly disturbing.
*whimpers* Mommy wouldn't let me get this keychain thing that said "Yes I'm paying attention. Can't you see me yawning?"
If I manage to hold on to some good idea long enough I'll post something else soon but for now that's it. Feel free to suggest and topics or ask any questions. I just may answer if I get bored enough! :}
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